The Phrases from My Parent That Rescued Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a wider inability to open up among men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to ask for a pause - taking a few days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."