That Drifting Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.
As we consider the TV landscape of the recent year, a selection of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with woeful writing, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final series began, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the last series. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Still, fans undeniably found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a small sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the smallest of this drama's issues. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The tedious glorification of wealth and materialism? The almost wilful procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but flippant egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy characters convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint homemaking as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are forced to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are clearly interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was akin to consuming a sales brochure. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Inheritance
It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.
Too Much
How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt icky.
The Sketch Show Return
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Very much so.
Prime Target
We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for sexual exploits as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.
